AI obituary writer: what to gather before you start
An AI obituary writer works best when you arrive with a sheet of facts and three or four real anecdotes, before asking for any text. An obituary is the short text that announces a person's death and tells who they were.
A writing assistant turns memories into words. If it gets no memories, it fills the gaps with generic phrases. That's why the groundwork, which fits on a single sheet, decides how the draft will sound.
Key takeaways
- Before opening the assistant, write a sheet with names, dates and family relationships that the family has checked: whatever is missing from that sheet, the AI fills in with guesses that may be wrong.
- Bring three or four anecdotes built around a gesture, a phrase or a specific object. A concrete anecdote portrays someone better than a list of adjectives.
- Ask for the text paragraph by paragraph, not all at once, and finalize the draft when the family can read it aloud without correcting a single fact or phrase.
What basic facts does AI need so it doesn't make anything up?
The minimum sheet holds seven items: full name, what people called them, dates of birth and death, relatives with their relationship, life story, details of the service, and what you're asking of those who want to pay their respects. Anything that isn't there can end up invented.
- Full name and nickname. This keeps the text from using a form of the name nobody used at home.
- Dates of birth and death. Age and years get miscalculated if the assistant has to work them out.
- Relatives with their relationship and exact spelling. A misspelled surname in an obituary hurts and is hard to fix once it's published.
- Life story in a few lines. Trade, studies, places they lived and hobbies; without this the text fills up with phrases like "he dedicated his life to others."
- Details of the service. Day, time and place, or a clear note that it will be private.
- What you ask of those who attend. Flowers, a donation or a link where they can leave messages.
On the sheet, also add a line with what should not appear: a feud, an illness the family prefers not to name, or a detail someone doesn't want to see published.
Which anecdotes and details make the text sound like that person?
Three or four anecdotes are enough if each contains something only that person did: a repeated phrase, a gesture, an object, a weekly ritual. It's what the assistant can't imagine for you.
- A phrase they said often. Write it exactly as they said it, so the assistant keeps it in quotation marks.
- An object or a place. The workshop, the garden chair or the recipe notebook give an image without any need for decoration.
- A habit. What they did every Sunday says more about their character than a list of virtues.
- Something that made them laugh or get angry. A trait with some edge makes the portrait believable.
An example: a daughter writing about her father, a retired carpenter, notes "every Christmas he sanded down a new toy for one of the grandchildren" and "he said wood always warns you." With those two lines the assistant stops talking about "a hard-working man" and starts talking about him.
How do I explain the tone: calm, warm, short or with humor?
You set the tone in a single line at the start of your request, with three elements: where it will be published, how long it should be and what register it has. If you don't say, the assistant may fall into a solemn, neutral register that would suit anyone. You don't need to ask for "emotional" either: describe how the family spoke.
| Tone | When it fits | How to ask for it |
|---|---|---|
| Calm and sober | Newspaper or formal announcement | "Calm tone, short sentences, no exaggerated adjectives" |
| Warm | Memorial page or message to the family | "Close tone, the way a son would tell it to a friend" |
| Short | Word limit or quick notice | "Maximum 120 words, only essential facts and one personal sentence" |
| Gentle humor | Someone known for their irony, if the family approves | "You can include a gentle joke he used to make, without making fun of him" |
If you're unsure, ask for the sober version first. Adding warmth afterward is easier than removing exaggeration.
What do I ask the AI for first: a full draft or one paragraph at a time?
Ask first for a single opening paragraph and move forward one at a time. A whole draft comes out fast, but it forces you to review everything at once, and it's easy for an invention to slip in among correct sentences. Going paragraph by paragraph takes a few more minutes and each piece is checked against the sheet.
- Paste in the fact sheet and add a rule: "Don't add any fact that isn't on this sheet; if something is missing, ask me."
- Ask for the opening paragraph: name, age, date of death and one sentence about who they were.
- Ask for the paragraph on life and work, using only the life story from the sheet.
- Ask for the anecdote and require it to keep your words: "Include this phrase word for word and don't embellish it."
- Ask for the family paragraph, with the relationships and spelling from the sheet.
- Ask for the closing with the details of the service.
The full draft makes sense when you need a short version and already know the facts well.
Which memories from other relatives are worth adding before you write?
Ask three or four people for just one thing: the anecdote or phrase that best tells what they were like. Each person saw a different side, and those voices keep the obituary from sounding like the view of just one. It's best to ask for them before writing, because adding them afterward means redoing the text.
- Ask a specific question, not "can you send me something?" "What made you laugh about him?" gets an answer; the other gets silence.
- Set a short deadline, a day or two, because memories arrive late if there's no cutoff.
- Accept every language. If part of the family lives in another country, let them tell their memory in the language they feel it in. Afterward you can ask for a translation and check with that person that the meaning holds.
In WhoWasThisGuy, relatives can add their stories and photos to the same page, which is shared with a link or a QR code, and whoever created it decides what appears.
When do I stop asking for changes and settle on a version?
As a general rule, stop after two or three rounds of changes. If each round leaves the text smoother and less yours, the problem is no longer style but missing material. Go back to the sheet and add an anecdote.
A guide for funeral homes on using AI in obituaries recommends confirming the spelling of surnames, verifying times and addresses, and reading the text aloud as a family to check that it reflects the person.
- Voice: mark any sentence he or she would never have said and swap it for one of the anecdotes.
- The last person to read it: make it someone who didn't take part in the writing, because they'll see what you can no longer see.
When you finish, keep the long version. It can live well beyond the announcement, for example on an online memorial page that the family can keep adding to at their own pace.
Frequently asked questions
Is it insensitive to use AI for an obituary?
No, as long as the memories and the decisions belong to the family. The tool arranges sentences; it doesn't know who the person was. If someone in the family is wary of it, show them the draft once it's been revised and ask them to correct it.
Can I paste private details into the assistant?
Give it only what will be published. Leave out ID numbers, the home address and bank details, since the obituary doesn't need them. Before using a tool, check on its site how it handles what you type, and if a sentence makes you uncomfortable, leave it out of the text you paste.
What if the newspaper has a word limit?
Ask the paper first what its limit is and how it counts, in words or in characters. Then tell the assistant that number. The full story is saved for another medium.
What can I do today to get started?
Open a blank document and write the seven-item sheet, with a single anecdote below it, 3 or 4 lines at most; allow about 20 minutes, and if you can't do more today, that's enough. In WhoWasThisGuy, an AI writing assistant helps turn those memories into words inside a memorial page, which is free to start and costs US$10 as a one-time payment, with no monthly fees, and is yet to open.